Reflections of a 30 Year Old

Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me! Yes that is right on Monday I turned 31 years old (was very spoilt too) and incredibly have a lot to reflect on in this past year that saw me enter my thirties. There were a lot of highs and lows, a lot of tears and a lot of laughs.

Should I start with the highs or the lows first? Let's begin with the low so that we end on a high.

The lowest point saw me become someone I did not recognise when I looked in the mirror. Normally I am a very easy going, in control person however this past year I was anything but this. I won't go to much into as you can read all about it here. In short I am not all that in control when it comes to being a mum to two young children and a wife to a husband that works away Monday to Friday.

Not only did this cause major issues with the sort of mother I was being, a cranky, fly of the handle type but it was detrimental to my marriage too. If I had not sought the help I did, in the way of medication, I can say with some certainty that my husband would have had great cause to leave me and take the children. But I did, I did get help and am slowly climbing back up and discovering part of my old self while forging new habits a long the way.

Another major blow during the year was losing my Aunty Marilyn, unexpectedly. She was my second mum growing up. She is the reason I love to be crafty and why I love to put so much effort into hosting kick arse parties. I don't do it to be pretentious; I do it because I LOVE IT. I love being unique and creative, it is as simple as that. Something I heard my mum say this past weekend as we celebrated Lil Guy's 1st birthday is "Aunty Marilyn will never be gone" and that is true I will carry on being creative and will try to pass on that to my children in her memory.

Aunty Marilyn and I had my Year 12 formal in 1998

Hubby also lost his uncle unexpectedly and this really hit home that with our years passing so are our parents. I didn't know when that child like fantasy that our parents are immortal would fade but given these two major losses to our family it has caused that fantasy to crumble. Already my father has had a close call with his heart and thankfully he is still here to see his grandchildren grow. I just wish my parents, all three of them, would stop and enjoy life a little more. They all work far too much.

So those were the lows, not too many but the few that occurred, they were major to us as a family and I am so thankful to be past them. We shall never forget those who have left us but we will mourn them happily and not dwell on why they were taken to early. As for my own mental anguish I will continue to fight through it and teach myself to be the mother and wife I long to be.

On to the highs, some are major and some are simply just trivial milestones that I am proud to have made;

One day after I had my 30th birthday we was thrilled to welcome our son into this world. I knew as soon as he arrived that our lil fam was complete. His birth wasn't as perfect as his sister's but it was not as traumatic as many others experience. Due to my own fault we spent most of the first 24 hours a part due to his low blood sugar. Short story, I had Gestational Diabetes with both pregnancies. First time I managed it like a pro but still had to have insulin. Second time I was more relaxed and fought to stay off the insulin which resulted in my poor baby being hooked up to an IV drip. As I said things could have been much worse and in hind sight I am so grateful that was our only mountain to conquered.

Image taken by Sara Rosetta Photography

Something most of you will not know and really until now have no reason to have known is that I had an irrational fear of driving. It was not until 2010 and moving to a quite coastal town that I got the nerve to even get behind the wheel for any period of time. Previously living in an overpopulated tourist city had me so petrified that even thinking of driving had me to the point of a panic attack. In February 2011, just 7 months shy of turning 30 I went for my driving test and PASSED first go! So that was one major but trivial milestone I achieved that I am exceptional pleased with myself for too.

Hubby quit the job he took to move us up here and has started a Mature Age Apprenticeship. Now yes it has put us into a bit of a spin financially considering he is the sole income earner and that income has now halved but we are managing. This apprenticeship will secure our future and allow us the freedom we have longed for, financially.

Seeing Lil Miss flourish into a bright intelligent child is also among the highs. She has really lost that toddler look and is now turning into a beautiful young girl who next year starts Kindergarten and then onto Prep at school, wow that spins me out. She and Lil Guy are truly the best thing to wake up every morning, even if it is a reluctant wake up and often before the sun has risen.

Image taken by myself for Alex&Grace Designs

Friendships, now I still haven't covered this with it's own post but let me just say close, long standing friendships are not something I can say I have. Don't get me wrong there are a few I call long term friends and miss them dearly now that we live so far a part but we are not as close as to call each other and chat for hours. I think technology has a lot to do with though as really we have no need to discuss what is happening in our lives when it is posted in the way of Facebook status updates and Instagram photos for all to see at their leisure. Back to where I was getting with this high, this past year I have really grown close to a few lovely ladies here where we live and I am so grateful to them even though they probably do not realise or even know why. Their friendship and support this past year means the world to me and I will be forever grateful no matter where our lives take up in the future.

So there is it my year as a 30 year old in short form and now to sit, quietly and reflect on how I want my 31st year to go.

Be sure to check back soon for a run down on Lil Guy's 1st birthday party and our hoard of visitors this past week. Here is a little sneak peak;

Putting My Big Girl Panties On!!!

Yesterday we found out we need to replace the radiator in our car, something we only just did almost 14 months ago not to mention an expense we do not need right now. We have Lil Guy's 1st birthday party in a week plus registration for the car is due at the same time. Not to mention the heartache recently of loved ones leaving us far too soon and unexpectingly.

Of course the first thing I did was sit on the lounge and get lost in my own little online world. All the while pigging out on salty, fatty, sugary foods. I had my little outbursts, the way of Facebook status updates, for all my friends and family too see of course.

By late afternoon, after looking around the house and seeing the chaos as well as looking down to see Lil Guy tugging on my leg for attention, I realised I had to snap out of it and fast. It really scared me how one minor set back in the big scheme of things saw me nose dive into a depressive state.

So this morning I woke up with a clear mind and got back on the horse with my Big Girl Panties on, ready to tackle life head on. I think the universe sensed this and rewarded us with a much cheaper option on getting our car on the road again this weekend.

Now I have spent far too much time online already today so I am off to get a real start on The Organised Housewife's 20 Days to Organise and Clean Your Home Challenge.

Just Cause

Lately, all round me, I seem to come across e-posters on the web (no not my Webb but the "web", you know the Interweb) and so thought I would share some with you on this lovely Spring day.

Now this first one is me all over. All but one of these tendencies is oh so true about the kind of person I am. Of course as you probably no from my previous rants the one thing on the list I can say is most definitely not me, in any way, shape or form, is 10) Motivate themsevles. Umm yeah no, self motivation would actually have to be on of the biggest thing I lack and that I dislike (note: I try not to hate rather dislike when possible) about myself. On this rediscovery I hope to change this about myself.

Found on Pinterest, source unknown but list, not image, came from 12most.com

Ok so this one I found almost immediately after my "Flight of Fancy" post last week when Iwas really thinking hard about who I am and who I want to be. One major thing I want to change about myself is my insecurities when it comes to friendships. Now I am not going to go into it too much in this post as this issues alone is worthy of its' own post. 

Found on Pinterest, uploaded by user. Original image source unknown.

Now I am a very creative person however I can not say I have a special talent but I am most definitely passionately curious about a lot of things in this world.

Found on Pinterest from Tumblr. Original image source unknown.

Alright last one and this one really does not require much of an explanation but really just sums up where I am right now; looking forwards not backwards!

Found on Pinterest, uploaded by user. Original image source unknown.

x Renee

Flight of Fancy

We recently watched a movie called, Wanderlust , now I wouldn't say it is a brilliant, could watch it over and over again, movie but it does have its funny moments. One in particular is;

Wayne: "My name's Wayne by the way, I'm a nudist"

George; "Oh yes we noticed your penis earlier"

Wayne: "Touché". 

That a side though, a scene from this movie really hit home with me and has stuck with me every since.  It was a scene between the two main characters played by Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston. Here is the scene; 

 

No word of a lie when I saw this on our television I was imagining them with hubby and my heads on their bodies (oh how I would love to have Jen’s body). My hubby is supportive though and so is George. What I am realising or have really know all along, but found too hard to admit to myself, is that it is I am the unsupportive one. I am unsupportive of myself. I have become so accustomed at just letting things slip away when I grow bored or come against a stumbling block.

For example, my passion for sewing. Just over two years ago I found the joy of sewing and loved it so much that it did go from just a hobby to a passion. That passion had me create a community of like minded people from all over Australia and the world too. I threw all of myself into this group and ate up the energy I felt. This time though I gave too much of myself and burnt out. Then after one small, trivial run in with a member I opted out, leaving a few lovely people in the lurch. This community had the potential, online, to become more than a hobby or passion. It could have helped bring in a few extra dollars to the household had I played my cards right. I didn’t though and now after throwing money into that we did not really have I have a blog sitting gathering virtual dust and someone, somewhere is probably jumping at the opportunity that I let slip away.

Another example is before I had children, around the time hubby and I we’re married I had a grand plan to start a screen printing business. I did a little research and conned my mum into bank rolling my start up costs. Well guess where all the tools of that little venture is now, sitting in my mum’s garage gathering dust and my mum’s money is still to be made in order to pay her back.

I could list several more pathetic attempts at starting my own hobby businesses but I won’t bore you, I am sure you get the picture. I am passionate, I do throw myself into my latest craze with both feet first, never testing the waters before jumping in. This is one of my top three things I want to change about myself.

My Top Three Grow Up and Own It List

1.       EAT RIGHT –teach my family a better way of eating.

2.       PLANT MY FEET – find real that I want to do and can realistically do to help support out family

3.       LOSE THE LONER – this one calls for a post all of it’s own and will be published next week but for now so that my friends don't think I am calling one of them a loser just be clear - I am the loser.

Until next time xxxx

Eating Clean : My Way!

Howdy, so well as it seems I am all about airing my dirty laundry here on this little ol' blog of mine, so I thought I might just share something that is as about close to dirty laundry as you are going to get; me in my unmentionables.

Now I realise I might not have that much to complain about, yeah a few spare tyres here and there, but really what this post is about for me is bearing all so that I will commit to changing my, and my family's, eating habits.

Since my youngest stopping breastfeeding, two months ago, I have already gained a few horrid kilos back and I am scare. I have just been out and bought a new wardrobe and was finding my FAB again, I am most certainly not willing to go back to being a DRAB mum again.

After shelling out too much money on what I can only say is a scam eating plan I feel totally stupid and ripped off, but mainly stupid.  So now I am going to go it alone and going to eat clean : my way!

So follow me, if you please, and help me be accountable for what I put on the table for dinner for my children. Out are the days of cooking conveniently using packets and jars; in are the ol' school days of cooking from stratch in order to know exactly what I am serving up is healthy and nutritional.

If you would like to follow me I will be starting a Facebook page, here, in order to make it a little easier to follow along then to have to remember to check in here.