Reflections of a 30 Year Old

Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me! Yes that is right on Monday I turned 31 years old (was very spoilt too) and incredibly have a lot to reflect on in this past year that saw me enter my thirties. There were a lot of highs and lows, a lot of tears and a lot of laughs.

Should I start with the highs or the lows first? Let's begin with the low so that we end on a high.

The lowest point saw me become someone I did not recognise when I looked in the mirror. Normally I am a very easy going, in control person however this past year I was anything but this. I won't go to much into as you can read all about it here. In short I am not all that in control when it comes to being a mum to two young children and a wife to a husband that works away Monday to Friday.

Not only did this cause major issues with the sort of mother I was being, a cranky, fly of the handle type but it was detrimental to my marriage too. If I had not sought the help I did, in the way of medication, I can say with some certainty that my husband would have had great cause to leave me and take the children. But I did, I did get help and am slowly climbing back up and discovering part of my old self while forging new habits a long the way.

Another major blow during the year was losing my Aunty Marilyn, unexpectedly. She was my second mum growing up. She is the reason I love to be crafty and why I love to put so much effort into hosting kick arse parties. I don't do it to be pretentious; I do it because I LOVE IT. I love being unique and creative, it is as simple as that. Something I heard my mum say this past weekend as we celebrated Lil Guy's 1st birthday is "Aunty Marilyn will never be gone" and that is true I will carry on being creative and will try to pass on that to my children in her memory.

Aunty Marilyn and I had my Year 12 formal in 1998

Hubby also lost his uncle unexpectedly and this really hit home that with our years passing so are our parents. I didn't know when that child like fantasy that our parents are immortal would fade but given these two major losses to our family it has caused that fantasy to crumble. Already my father has had a close call with his heart and thankfully he is still here to see his grandchildren grow. I just wish my parents, all three of them, would stop and enjoy life a little more. They all work far too much.

So those were the lows, not too many but the few that occurred, they were major to us as a family and I am so thankful to be past them. We shall never forget those who have left us but we will mourn them happily and not dwell on why they were taken to early. As for my own mental anguish I will continue to fight through it and teach myself to be the mother and wife I long to be.

On to the highs, some are major and some are simply just trivial milestones that I am proud to have made;

One day after I had my 30th birthday we was thrilled to welcome our son into this world. I knew as soon as he arrived that our lil fam was complete. His birth wasn't as perfect as his sister's but it was not as traumatic as many others experience. Due to my own fault we spent most of the first 24 hours a part due to his low blood sugar. Short story, I had Gestational Diabetes with both pregnancies. First time I managed it like a pro but still had to have insulin. Second time I was more relaxed and fought to stay off the insulin which resulted in my poor baby being hooked up to an IV drip. As I said things could have been much worse and in hind sight I am so grateful that was our only mountain to conquered.

Image taken by Sara Rosetta Photography

Something most of you will not know and really until now have no reason to have known is that I had an irrational fear of driving. It was not until 2010 and moving to a quite coastal town that I got the nerve to even get behind the wheel for any period of time. Previously living in an overpopulated tourist city had me so petrified that even thinking of driving had me to the point of a panic attack. In February 2011, just 7 months shy of turning 30 I went for my driving test and PASSED first go! So that was one major but trivial milestone I achieved that I am exceptional pleased with myself for too.

Hubby quit the job he took to move us up here and has started a Mature Age Apprenticeship. Now yes it has put us into a bit of a spin financially considering he is the sole income earner and that income has now halved but we are managing. This apprenticeship will secure our future and allow us the freedom we have longed for, financially.

Seeing Lil Miss flourish into a bright intelligent child is also among the highs. She has really lost that toddler look and is now turning into a beautiful young girl who next year starts Kindergarten and then onto Prep at school, wow that spins me out. She and Lil Guy are truly the best thing to wake up every morning, even if it is a reluctant wake up and often before the sun has risen.

Image taken by myself for Alex&Grace Designs

Friendships, now I still haven't covered this with it's own post but let me just say close, long standing friendships are not something I can say I have. Don't get me wrong there are a few I call long term friends and miss them dearly now that we live so far a part but we are not as close as to call each other and chat for hours. I think technology has a lot to do with though as really we have no need to discuss what is happening in our lives when it is posted in the way of Facebook status updates and Instagram photos for all to see at their leisure. Back to where I was getting with this high, this past year I have really grown close to a few lovely ladies here where we live and I am so grateful to them even though they probably do not realise or even know why. Their friendship and support this past year means the world to me and I will be forever grateful no matter where our lives take up in the future.

So there is it my year as a 30 year old in short form and now to sit, quietly and reflect on how I want my 31st year to go.

Be sure to check back soon for a run down on Lil Guy's 1st birthday party and our hoard of visitors this past week. Here is a little sneak peak;